[play] politics: SNP spokesman

[Arnaud Rasing]

[TOC] Table of Contents

Spokesman for the SNP

KBK Worldservice (2019-2022)

This play can be read or be listened to.

Originally it is part of a series of 6 radio-broadcast-type plays.
Four recordings are in dutch, one in german and, indeed, one in english.
These recordings are raw and unpolished.

This is the 5th text bringing a speech by the 'Spokesman for the SNP' who is lashing out at Brexit.

Enjoy ! (AR, February 10th., 2022)

Spokesman for the SNP (audio)

 

Spokesman for the SNP (text)

 
KBK: You are listening to the KBK Worldservice.
KBK: We are bringing a short speech of the spokesman for the SNP. 
KBK: MP Donald McEntirely, Earl of Aberdeen, has the word in the House of Commons. 
KBK: This recording dates back to May 6th, 2019.
(. . .)

Thank you, Mister Chairman, for granting me the opportunity to state my plea.
I would like to stipulate the consequences of Brexit from a Scottish perspective.

Is is not so, mister Chairman, that the Scottish National Party, 
has always been helpfull and loyal to the cause of the United Kingdom?
Cannot my honourable colleagues confirm that the SNP has democratically been constructive and cooperative 
to the prosperity, safety, integrity and stability of the UK as a whole up and untill that sodden Brexit process?

Oh, mister Chairman, yes, you are right, I reckon. 

Well, mister Chairman, Brexit is NOT in the interest of Scotland.
We are enjoying prosperity due to the European Union. 
We managed to get the continentals addicted to our exquisite whiskey and first-quality salmon.
This trade on itself is providing for many well-paid jobs and rewards us with recognition and gives us a fundamental sense of pride. 
Also, our shipbuilding and off-shore industry is flourishing like never before. 
And so does the tourist sector because of the free movement of people within the EU.

Has it come to the attention of this House that the Scottish Parliament at Holyrood 
has decided that in case Brexit becomes effective, Scotland will declare itself independent consequently?
Scotland will do so without any delay, without any sodden referendum, irrevokably 
and thereby permanently and without any sodden Westminster interference.

Yes, mister Chairman? Oh, well, I do apologize. I will ammend.

Has it come to the attention of my colleagues that some Scottish constituents 
want to erect some kind of Hadrian's Wall - to mark the Anglo-Scottish border -, this time to keep the English out?
Some of them even want to hunt down any brexiteer found on Scottish soil, 
arrest them, detain them shortly without trial and toss them handsomely over that same wall to the English side!

The henceforward Republic of Scotland will embrace the euro and will be firmly embedded in the EU.
As does the Republic of Ireland, we will act accordingly and likewise 
and greet them wholeheartedly as our long-beloved neighbours. 

And should it not be in the interest of Northern-Ireland to declare itself independent as well 
and become the Republic of Northern Ireland?
Furthermore, mister Chairman, these three republics might endaevour 
in the yet to be created Northern Confederacy, all together.
And should Wales be left sitting on the lap of the English for eternity?
If the Welshmen were to decide to embrace the Constitution of the Republic of Wales, 
then they are most welcome in the Northern Confederacy.

CM: Order, order!

Right, mister Chairman, may I finalize?

Do the honourable Members of this House agree on one thing only namely
 that all of us totally disagree when searching for any conclusion to Brexit? 
Then why not discarding it altogether and continue with our daily business?

Now, does the mentally retarded Secretary of Sport etc. know what he can do with that cricket bat of his?

I am so sorry, mister Chairman, it will not happen again. 
I can assure you.

Does the backward Secretary of Defense know what she can with those nuclear submarines of hers?

Mister Chairman, I do apologize, it will not happen again. 
I can reassure you.

Does that screaming monkey, appointed Brexit Secretary, know what he can do with that banana of his?

Yes, mister Chairman, no, I understand, it will not happen again. 
I promise, rest assured. . .

Does the Rt. Hon., I mean, stubborn and utterly unwise Prime-Minister know 
what she can do with that sodden Brexit of hers?

Now what, Mister Chairman?
Well, now it's your turn.

Do you know what you can do with that stiff hammer of yours 
that you are holding in your right hand?

Long live the Republic of Scotland (Supernova Scotia) !

I rest my case. . .

(. . .)
KBK: You have been listening to the KBK Worldservice.


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